Fitting In

Hello everyone... I've been MIA for quite some time.  It's been a hectic past few months, considering I started working at another job, started studying for my exam again, and took some time to work on myself at the gym.  It's been rough, but I'm slowly getting through it.  I want to start blogging again, so here's to me and myself.  Cheers!

I guess I'll start up by saying something I've kept inside for a long time.  I'm quite the lonely person.  I've always wanted to fit in somewhere, whether it be with my skateboarding friends in high school, the gothic kids, or the preppy polo-wearing students in AP class.  I was the quiet, hard-working, studious Asian who didn't really have many friends and didn't see any potential in anything.  I had high aspirations to become a graphic designer because of my love for art.  I wanted nothing more than to follow my dreams and turn them into a reality... but things changed for me during my senior year.  I had the opportunity to go to Cooper Union, an art school in NYC, but my mom told me she wouldn't pay for my school if I went for something "unsubstantial."  I ended up choosing a field they wanted me to choose, which was medicine.  I hated it.  I hated everything about it and my love for school became hate.  It wasn't who I wanted to be.  I wanted to be someone different, but I pushed myself to do something to appease someone else.  End result?  I'm stuck in a field I'm not happy in and I'm still alone.  Don't ever do something to be a people pleaser.

It took 26 years and two weeks (I'm turning 27 soon!  WOO I'm getting old!) for me to realize what I've been missing.  I've always wanted to please everyone and keep them happy around me.  I've always joined groups, clubs, and attended functions to get to know people and hopefully get them to know and understand me.  I wanted to meet someone who had the same goals and aspirations as I did, and get close to them.  Now that I look back on all of it, I never really had too many close friends who knew me well.  I can remember all the clubs I joined in high school... some clubs I joined were specifically used to show I was a well rounded person in college, while others were just because I had friends in there.  I did join two clubs for leadership... which were Art Palettes and Mathletes (social suicide, I know).  However, these two clubs meant something to me... they were my favorite subjects, so I wanted to prosper in those fields.

In college, I joined the Stony Brook Ballroom Dance Team, which I totally sucked at... considering I didn't really have a set partner.  It was fun, but I didn't find a group of people I wanted to spend time with.  I made "friends" with people on my entire floor, my building, and even in my quad... but none of them were as close to me as the select few I got so close to.  I had my roommate, who has always been my best friend (even though she's far away), my other friend (who moved to Texas), and... that's it.  I tried to make friends in Puso (Philippine United Students Organization) but that didn't really work out for me.  I guess I didn't drink enough and I didn't click too well with everyone to be part of that group... or maybe I wasn't Filipino enough... who knows.  College passed me by and I never really found too many people to call friends either.

By the time I got to my second and third college (I was a college hopper because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do for a while), I had joined two Christian clubs in both my schools.  I made some awesome friends who really showed me the light of Christ.  I developed real relationships with these students and we shared a bond together... but at the end of it, nothing worked out and I was once again alone by the time I finished college.  I wanted to make an impact on the world by spreading the Good News to others, especially people my age... and maybe, just maybe, I touched someone along the way... but I still felt empty inside.  Something didn't seem right in my eyes and I still felt lonely, no matter how many friends I tried to make.  I am very grateful to have walked a path along with them for a while, though.

Blogging has always been the one thing I could always be openly honest about and never have a problem.  My blog is where I can truly be "me."  However, things changed when I started making friends on Xanga.  I got more followers for my blog, but at the same time, I wanted to get close to these people having meet ups and get togethers.  I tried to make friends with them and impress them by having a completely insane party at a hotel for my birthday, but it sort of backfired and I guess I didn't really make too many real friends out of it.  I thought being the life of the party (compared to the normal quiet person I really am) would have them accept me into their group... but I was still the outcast at the end of it.  I happened to get close to a few people along the way, so it didn't really turn out to be a total bust.  However, being snubbed by a bunch of people really hurt me long term.  I had a barbecue for my birthday the year after and none of those people who showed up the year before came, even though they said they'd come.  It was a real slap in the face for me... and I was so embarrassed.  I never really got used to that lonely feeling.

At one point, I tried to make friends at work... but the people I work with really can't be anymore than coworkers to me... because if I leave that place, like all other jobs, those people continue to move on without me.  Even when you get close to someone at work, it doesn't mean you'll be close to them once you leave.  I don't hang out with 3/4 of the people outside of the workplace, even though we always talk about going out and doing other things.  With my new job, I just stay quiet because I'm a bit shy to open up to others.  I know I'll fit in nicely if I just stay quiet an do my work, which is something I've been trying out lately.  It seems to be working well for me... so I'll probably stick to it for a little while.  Besides, I don't know if I have anything to relate to my coworkers with.

I've used the internet to be part of something massive... which was what I liked to call the "Black Milk Cult."  I say this because most of the girls on the forums are obsessed with Black Milk Clothing and they just spend all their money on nylon.  I did it for a few months, but slowly began to realize that Black Milk's entire strategy is to make girls feel special about wearing their brand and to allow them to keep buying "limited" pieces, since it will no longer be made.  Most of these girls have massive collections of nylon clothing, which cost at least $70 per article.  I wanted to be part of the "OMG I have to buy all the BM pieces of I'm going to die because I don't have it" group... until I realized how stupid I sounded and how much money I was spending for clothes I would only wear every so often... so that quickly died out.  Once you come to a realization for things, the truth comes out and it shows who you really have become.  I became the fashion mogul wannabe.  Hah... so much for that.

After countless efforts of feeling lonely and looking for my own niche, I found one that keeps me sane. I started going back to the gym constantly because I was getting tired of people calling me fat all the time and I wanted to get back into shape.  Working out grounds me and shows me I can still have energy after I work all day.  I push myself to the limits just to see how far I can go.  I've set up goals I'm trying to accomplish before the end of the summer.  I've made a few acquaintances, workout buddies, trainer friends, and networks throughout the past few months at my new gym.  These people are there to help me, but I know most of them go home to a place where I am not remembered... but hey, if they're at the gym, I'll always stop by to say hello.  However, I've come to the realization that I really don't need to find a group of people who I fit in with.  All the people I meet are there for a reason, whether it be to be with me long term or to show me something for my future... but just because I met them doesn't mean I have to get close to them.  It was a hard concept to come to terms with, but that's life.

I love being myself... and I am aggressive, kind, caring, and quite blunt.  I can be annoying, a bully, and I can over react when things don't go my way... but that's the package you get when you get to know me.  If you want to stick around, then by all means... come take a seat and have coffee with me.

Detoxifying H2O Fat Flusher

Hi everyone!  Happy New Year!  I'm sorry I've been MIA... I got a new position at work that has me working every day so it's been a little difficult for me to find some time to myself.  Now that I'm back, I'll be blogging more often.  We've been getting tons of snow in recent weeks, which has been hindering me from going to the gym since I have to drive.  I've been trying to find some alternatives to my lack of exercise and motivation by working out at home and eating healthier, but I have a huge problem with drinking juices.  I love juices, lemonade, iced tea, and other sugary drinks (I'm notorious for drinking a trenta-sized Valencia Orange energizer or a Passion Tea Lemonade - sweetened with classic and 3 pumps raspberry).  As juice can be good for you, the amount of sugar manufacturers put into these drinks are not.  A friend of mine gave me the perfect solution to this sugary problem.

He gave me his own concoction of "detox water," which was fresh water infused with various fruits and vegetables.  I found it refreshing and light, as it wasn't sweet but was satisfying to my palate.  I was always a fan of water with lemon, so I took his recipe and tweaked it to my liking and found that it worked well for me.  Here's what I did.

Ingredients

• 1 gallon Spring Water
• 1 lemon, thinly sliced with skin
• 1 medium sliced cucumber, thinly sliced
• 1/2 cup strawberries, thinly sliced
• 2 cups green tea, cooled
• 1 kiwi, peeled and thinly sliced
• 1 cup mint leaves

Directions

Place all fruits and vegetables in a large pitcher and mix.  Let sit for at least 1 hour for the water/green tea mixture to saturate into the fruit.  Honey or agave nectar can be added for sweetening.  Serve cold and enjoy!

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This water is not only good for you, but also serves many benefits towards your health.  Water is used to hydrate a person... after all, our bodies are made of 50-75% of water!  Drinking 6-8 glasses of water a day can detoxify your system alone as a diuretic by flushing out all the toxins in your kidneys and keep your body energized throughout the day.  However, every other fruit or vegetable you add to your water will only intensify the benefits.

• Lemon:  The lemon in the water not only gives Vitamin C to boost your immune system, but curbs your appetite as well.  Lemons also help the liver by dissolving uric acid and other toxins in the system.  It can also increase peristalsis in the bowels, creating movement and eliminating waste.
• Kiwi:  Kiwis are not only rich in Vitamin C, but also contain phytonutrients and antioxidants that help protect DNA.  These types of fruits typically help protect a person from having problems in the future, such as respiratory problems.  The vitamins also help boost the human immune system.
• Mint:  Mint is a stimulant that activates the digestive enzymes that absorb nutrients from food and consume fat and turn it into consumed energy.
• Strawberry:  Strawberries contain antioxidants and natural anti-inflammatory phytonutrients that help with osteoarthritis, asthma, and atherosclerosis.  Increased intake of strawberries can also decrease the risk of type 2 diabetes.  Strawberries also contain nitrates, which help increase blood flow throughout the body for increased weight loss while exercising.  
• Green Tea:  Green tea is also extremely high in antioxidants but also is the ultimate fat burner because it melts the fat off the body.  It also increases metabolism by at least 4%.
• Cucumber:  This particular vegetable also reduces uric acid in the liver while stabilizing blood pressure.  It also supplies magnesium, potassium, and silicon into the body, revitalizing the skin.

I've been drinking this water for the past week and I've been feeling more energized myself.  Don't believe me?  Try it out for yourself and let me know how you feel.  Until next time!

Winter Lip Smacked

Winter has finally hit and we're all dreading the chapped hands and chapped lips problem.  A friend of mine sent me a message yesterday asking me what were some good brands of lip glosses and balms for him to use.  Living in cold climate for the winter could really take a toll on your skin, especially parts that naturally are moisturized.  I gave him a list of suggestions, but I figured I should list my top 3 balms, glosses, and lipsticks so everyone can get some information on what you can use to soothe irritated, chapped lips.  I have sensitive lips, so only certain formulas and products work for me.

Lip Balms and Treatments

Nivea Lip Butter - $2.99 at Target and Ulta; this lip butter is probably one of the best and most affordable glosses I have ever bought.  They taste great and the balm itself is very moisturizing to the lips.  Your lips will heal on its own from the shea butter, glycerin, and seed oil.  The best part about this gloss is that it doesn't have any petroleum jelly, which usually leaves a sticky residue.  They come in 5 different flavors (my favorite is the Vanilla and Macadamia Kiss) inside small easy carry tins.  These small balms also add shine on top of its soothing capabilities.  If you are ever near a BJ's, they do carry this balm in a pack of 5 for $9.99.

Caudalie Lip Conditioner - $12.00 at Sephora;  The French got it right with this balm!  Apricot oil and grape polyphenols saturate this formula and give your lips a very soothing treatment.  It is a very lightweight balm that leaves a matte finish, giving you the luxury of putting a lipstick or gloss on top without that sticky finish.  If you're looking for a higher end, but effective product, this is the one to purchase.  The balm itself is easy to apply due to its lipstick-like shape.  I personally liked the light scent of the balm.  There was really no taste and you won't have to worry about feeling overpowered by the smell of perfume on your lips.  Don't worry animal lovers, this product is not tested on animals and does not contain any animal ingredients.  Overall, this is definitely the product to try if you're looking for something different.

Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15 - $22.50 at Sephora;  This particular lip treatment is different from the ones I mentioned above because it contains natural sugars that help restore and revitalize the lips.  Upon use, it leaves a buttery soft feel and slight gloss.  What's great about this balm is that it comes in various colors and flavors, so you can pick and choose what you like.  I enjoy the berry flavored one, but the original tastes just as good.  The original has this citrus, almost lemony scent.  Each flavor is a different tint, so if you're looking for something with more of a color, this is definitely the one to choose.  What's also great about this lip balm is the SPF, so your lips are protected from UV rays.  Most people use sunscreen or sunblock on their face, but always miss their mouths because most glosses don't have an SPF, but this one is convenient so you don't have to worry when you go outside.  Sephora is currently having a Christmas gift set sale, so you can head on over there to see if they have what you're looking for.  They have a few sets of the different Fresh scents.  

I have a few other balms I love, but some have been discontinued.  Honorable mentions include Lotta Luv's Hostess Twinkie lip balm (yes, it smells and tastes like Twinkies) and Tarte's fRxtion, which unfortunately has been discontinued.  I loved this balm because it was a dual-sided lipstick shaped gloss and one side was for nourishment, while the other side was a sugar scrub.  The moisturizer was similar to that of Caudalie's, but a bit more slick.  It came in a compact lipstick case with an attached mirror.  I wish they still made these, because they were amazing.  Maybe if there's a high enough demand for it, they'll bring the product back.  One last product I'd like to mention is the Hurraw! lip balm at American Apparel.  I'd have to say this balm is not only great, but it's also natural and vegan.  Try out the Green Tea flavored one!

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Loveable Lip Glosses

I have a big thing for lip glosses.  I love many formulas, but because of my allergies, I can only use a select few.  The ones I have tried, however, are worth purchasing because of how they satisfy my individual needs.

Bare Escentuals 100% Natural Lip Gloss - $15.00 at Sephora;  I'm not too sure if this product is discontinued yet, but this gloss in Pomegranate is probably my favorite gloss out there.  I've never had a problem with break outs, sores, or chapping with this gloss and it leaves such a high shine that it gives me the perfect pout to complete my look.  The wand has a brush at the tip for easy application.  I've stocked up on these from the Bare Escentuals outlet, and they come in a variety of colors.  They may have updated the formula and changed the name to Moxie, because I haven't seen these glosses in a while, but I hope the upgrade is just as good as the original.  If you're looking for a natural gloss with a lovely tint, this is the one to get.

Liplicious Dazzle-licious High Sparkle Lip Gloss - $10.50 at Bath and Body Works;  This particular lip gloss is loved by all my friends because of the glossy pout it gives to its user.  Not only does it have a non-sticky, shiny, glossy feel to it, but this gloss is packed with glitter to make your lips sparkle and give that sun-kissed glow.  When you apply this gloss, there is a wand applicator with a sponge tip to apply it evenly.  Not only does it smell delicious, but the gloss also tastes as decadent as the names.  These have almost a sheer to medium coverage and come in a variety of different colors.  They don't leave your lips as moisturized as the balms, but they will definitely be a hit for every day use or even the night out.  A few of my friends are obsessed with the Jeweled Coconut flavor, mainly because of the nude color and the iridescent sparkles.  I personally chose a darker shade, Brilliant Berry.  It brings a dark pink tint to my pout, but not enough to be overbearing.

MAC Lipglass - $15.00 - $25.00 at MAC Cosmetics; MAC has created a lip gloss line for all sorts of occasions.  They have their lip stains for tints, cremes, high gloss, high shine, etc.  You will not be disappointed with this gloss because these glosses are really for long-wear use.  They have full coverage and are tinted in any color you desire.  The wand sponge application applies the gloss evenly and smoothly.  Jojoba oil is used to keep your lips moisturized and perfectly kissable throughout the day.  It's a great buy if you're looking for something that almost equals the color of lipsticks.

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Lipstick Appeal

Every person should carry their favorite shade of lipstick for those evenings out on the town.  My preferred colors are wines, plums, and even bright reds.  I've found some formulas to be better than others, and a few of them are even more long-lasting and worth the extra money.

Rogue Dior Couture Color Voluptuous Care Lipstick - $34.00 at Sephora;  This lipstick is long-lasting and provides full coverage to the user.  Don't let the price shock you.  It's worth the money because of their perfect formula.  Dior's lipstick has been known to have the right amount of moisture on top of its creamy texture, leaving the lips rich with color.  I use this shade in #728 Mauve Mystere, which is almost like a plum color and it stays on for a good 4-5 hours before I have to apply again.  When applying this lipstick, you don't get the small cracks and creases you get from other brands.  It also has a lovely scent and packaging to make it as "couture" as it sounds.  Overall, this is the #1 lipstick I'd recommend for anyone out there.  There are a variety of shades for you to choose from for both day and night.  I probably need to go back and pick up a new one!

MAC Lipstick - $15.00 - $25.00 at MAC Cosmetics;  I personally enjoy MAC's lipsticks because the wear on them is amazing, especially for the price.  I can't complain about the creamy texture of the lipstick because it glides on easily and stays for a good 3-4 hours before having to reapply.  I'm not really a fan of matte lipstick because I really love shiny, pouty lips, but Viva Glam I's matte formula makes me fall in love.  My lips look great with this lipstick and I don't have to worry about too much smudging or having lipstick get into my teeth (because we all know how embarrassing that looks).  They have other types of lipsticks you may like as well, some being long lasting while others were created by stars like Rihanna or Lady Gaga.  I'm a huge Hello Kitty fan, so I have the poppin' pink lipstick from that line... and I love the Barbie pink tint!

NYX Black Label Lipstick - $7.50 at Target or on nyxcosmetics.com;  Don't be fooled by NYX's cosmetic line.  I love their lipsticks because they're much more affordable than the ones I've previously mentioned and they still give you the same result as compared to something you'd buy elsewhere.  NYX created a great variety of tints and shades for you to choose from.  They all leave a silky, satiny, feel against the lips and will last at least 3-4 hours until you have to reapply.  I use the shade BLL133 Wine, which appears to have a dark fuchsia undertone and light shine.  Try this lipstick out and you won't be disappointed.


I hope my top 3's helped you pick out your next lip treatment or brand.  I'm sure there are many other great brands out there, but these are the three I'll stick to because I know they will last me quite some time.  If you're trying to figure out the right color for you, go to the store and test them all against your arm to find your perfect shade.  You can always have more than one!



Disclaimer:  I am no way endorsed or affiliated with any of these brands.  I do this for my own enjoyment and my own free will.

Fandom Cosmetics Lacquer Review!

Leigh, Annie, Liz, and Olivia of Fandom Cosmetics

I've had the opportunity to meet the ladies of Fandom Cosmetics at New York Comic Con this past October.  Annie was actually a friend of mine from a while back and she started her own nail polish company.  She sold her first company and created a new one with Leigh, and their joint partnership created the indie brand, Fandom Cosmetics.  Fandom Cosmetics not only sells nail polish, but jewelry, body care items, makeup, and bath salts as well (which smell divine).  Their polishes are made in sets, and each set holds a specific theme that geeks and nerds will love (not to mention everyone else).  Many of their polishes contain glitter, so you can have the glitz and glam with a touch of nerd.  I have four polishes to review today.

Each of these polishes are from different collections of Fandom's line.  The polishes are in square bottles with a simple black cap.  They are embellished with the line's initials, "FC."  All polishes are 5-free, Vegan, and cruelty free.

We first have Moon Runes, which is from the "Dungeons Deep and Caverns Old" collection, inspired by The Hobbit.  It is an opaque silvery base that glows in the dark.  The formula for Moon Runes was very smooth and easy to put on.  Inside the base were small flecks of blue and iridescent glitter dust, followed by blue moons and holographic glitter hex.

The brush size was a standard brush that easily glided through the nail without a problem.  As you can see, the lacquer has a loose consistency, but doesn't clump on the brush.

Here are some of the photos close up.  These swatches have two coats of polish, which is enough to cover the whole nail with glitter.

I wanted to try to add this to some color, so I swatched to coats on top of Essie's Licorice.  The outcome was a gunmetal polish with a semi-matte finish.

One coat of Essie's quick drying top coat is enough to add shine to the nail.  I didn't have too much of a problem removing the glitter, as most of it comes off with the base coat.  Overall, it was a great formula and the simplicity of the polish left me wanting more.  I think I'd use this polish if I were cosplaying as the White Queen from XMen.

Next on my list is Burn Book, from Fandom's collection "The Plastics.  This particular collection was inspired by the movie Mean Girls, where "On Wednesdays, we wear pink!"  You can guess that the polishes from this collection are pink and pretty, packed with a touch of mean.  Hot pink and white glitter overtakes the polish, with some medium sized light pink glitter circles and black hearts hidden and scattered throughout the bottle.  I swatched this lovely glitter lacquer over Essie's Licorice and here was the outcome.

One coat of glitter over your base coat is enough to make a statement.  Two coats makes everyone's heads turn.  The only problem I really had with this polish was that the brush was bent out of shape.  This most likely was a manufacturer's issue, because I remember Annie getting upset with the quality of brushes her distributor sent her.  The lacquer glided smoothly and evenly throughout the nail and I didn't have a problem with the consistency either.  The brush was only a small setback that can easily be fixed.

I really enjoyed the playfulness of the polish because it brings the nails to life.  Upon drying, the coat was very smooth and I did not have a problem removing it.  Here are a few more swatches.

The only thing I really didn't appreciate was the brush and the lack of hearts and circles.  I wish there were more black hearts in the polish because I wasn't able to swatch any on my nails.  I don't like to go "fishing" for polish glitter.  Removing the polish wasn't really much of a problem because the small spots came off with the black polish.  No foil needed!  Overall, I thought it was a great color.  I'd definitely wear it to my next high school reunion, where I can revisit "The Plastics" in my school.

Lil' Asskicker is from the Walker Bait collection, inspired by my favorite show, The Walking Dead.  This glitter bomb is swarming with teal, fuschia, red, and black hex glitter suspended in a clear base.  I feel the base was a bit thicker than normal consistency because applying it was almost like toasting a piece of bread with jam.  I layered it on top of Essie's Trophy Wife so you can see the full effect of this gorgeous glitter.


Like Burn Book, the brush has a bit of a problem.  It was not bent, but there were a few hairs sticking out of the sides, so I just turned the brush in order to streak the nail properly.  I believe she had a bit of the problem with the consistency of the polish because Annie was making them on the spot, underneath the table during the Con.  That's a lot of dedication!

Here are a few more swatches of Lil' Asskicker after two coats.  

This polish was a little annoying to remove because of the amount of glitter that adheres to your nails.  I had to foil my nails in order to remove the polish.  As long as the consistency of the polish doesn't thicken over time, I'll continue to use this polish until the last swatch.  I would definitely like to try more polishes from the Walker Bait collection.

Son of Jorel is the last polish on my list for the day.  This polish in particular was my favorite.  It is from the Justice League collection, inspired by Superman.  Holographic blue hex, royal blue hex, medium sized yellow circles, and large red circle glitter were suspended in the clear base.  I swatched two coats of Son of Jorel on top of Essie's Licorice.  It looked like the sun and the moons were colliding in the stars in the universe.

I had a bit of the problem with the consistency, as this was the thickest of the four.  You can see the base almost appears jelly-like, where it clumps near the end of the brush and around the rim of the bottle.

Regardless of the consistency, the application of the polish to the nail was not difficult.  One coat of glitter would be enough to make a statement, but two coats would call Superman back to earth.  The brush had a bit of fly aways along the side, but not enough to interfere with my swatching.  Here are a few more swatches.

I wanted to see how this glitter bomb looked on top of blue, so I swatched it over Essie's Aruba Blue and this happened.  I apologize over the poor quality of the photograph.  I didn't realize it blurred when I took the shot.  Regardless, I loved the outcome.

I love how the red and yellow stands out from the blues.  The primary color scheme is simple and effective, and there is just the right amount of red and yellow circles within the base.  Upon removal, the base really stuck to the nails so I had to use foil to lift the glitter off.

Fandom's creativity really moves me because of their ability to showcase our beloved shows in a single bottle of nail polish.  I'm glad I got to run into them for Comic Con and I can't wait to try their upcoming products in the future!  The only problems I had with these polishes were the brushes and the consistency of a few of them.  I only feel this was an issue because the company was shipping the bottles from Texas to New York, and they had to make polishes on the spot because you can not fly boxes of nail polishes across the country.  The amount of air exposure to the base may have been a factor of the thickness.  The brushes had a few minor fly aways or bent issues, but otherwise worked well.  Other than that, I loved the glitter bombs and I'd like to get more.  You can never have too much glitter.  Feel free to take a look at their website and other social networks.  I've linked them below.

Fandom Cosmetics Facebook Page:  here.
Fandom Cosmetics Website:  here.
Fandom Cosmetics Twitter:  here.
Fandom Cosmetics Tumbler:  here.

I hope you enjoyed.  Until next time!

Disclaimer:  I am no way affiliated or endorsed by this company.  I do this for my own enjoyment and my own free will.

Food For Thought

I've been experimenting with cooking lately and I've realized I have a real knack for it.  I suppose you can say in a way, cooking is like art.  You have to have that special touch to make it taste just right for you.  I have always loved cooking food and eating it, which is ironic since I'm a personal trainer.  I should be creating healthy meals, but instead, I'm making pastries for the holidays for my side business. If I didn't work out every day, I'd probably be a very heavy lady.  It actually wasn't supposed to be a side business, though.  I was just baking for fun... until someone told me I should really sell my food.  Of course, my mom didn't like the idea of me selling homemade baked goods, but after she tried my cooking, she realized I could actually do it.  Who knows... maybe I'll open my own bakery one day.

In the meantime, here are a few of the cakes and pastries I've created.  I don't like my pastries too sweet, but the right consistency will play well on the tongue palate... and you can even accompany it with some white wine!  Let's get fancy!

This is the cake I am holding up in the photograph.  It's a dulce de leche swirl cheesecake with a vanilla pudding/fresh cream topping.  I topped it off with raspberries for decoration.

This is the first time I've ever made a pie... and it's an apple one, for that matter.  I took different types of apples and created an apple filling with the right amount of spices.  I let it cool for a day and made a homemade crust.  I layered the pie together, baked it, and used an egg wash to make it shine.  Not bad for my first try!  The only sad part was that I couldn't even try it.  Sadly, I'm allergic to apples... but I'm glad everyone else enjoyed it!  It was a big hit!

These are little white chocolate cheesecake bites, layered with fresh cream and raspberry filling.  They're good for a bite-sized snack if you don't want to eat a whole slice.

I baked this mouth-watering cake for my boyfriend's holiday party.  It's a chocolate marble cheesecake with a chocolate ganache pudding topping.  I finished it off with fresh strawberries to add a little bit of color.

As you can tell, I've been having a lot of fun with my time and these desserts are as decadent as they look.  My desserts were inspired by my love of foods and various restaurants in the city.  However, what really got me started was my best friend, Elena (find her here on her blog).  She is always so talented and creative.  Every time I come over her house, we're always baking her addicting chocolate chip cookies and I manage to take home half the batch.  Of course, the cookies don't last too long since my entire family gobbles them up... but they're still amazing when I get to have them.  I think one of the coolest things she's ever done and shown me was her hot chocolate pops from last Christmas.  She made these chocolate lollipops that had a marshmallow attached to it so you can just dip them in hot milk and stir them to make hot chocolate.  How innovative!  They were definitely on my "try to make it" list and I made some for my Christmas favors.  I can't wait to see what she's making this year!

I'm probably going to make some homemade cookies this year, which may include my white chocolate  cranberry walnut biscotti, peppermint pinwheels, chocolate chip cookies, and red velvet crinkle cookies.  We need some holiday cheer!  

If any of you would like to contact me about buying something for the holidays, please feel free to contact me here.  Please give me at least 5 days notice so I can have enough time to make it.  Same day or day before orders will be an extra $8.00.

Prices are as follows:

9-inch round cheesecake - $25.00

24 cupcakes or cheesecake bites - $20.00

Pies - $15.00

Regular 9 inch cakes (buttercream frosting) - $25.00

Cheesecake Flavors:

Original

White Chocolate (with raspberry compote filling)

Dulce de Leche

Apple Toffee

Red Velvet

Milk Chocolate

Dark Chooclate

Marble Cream

Pie Flavors:

Apple

Blueberry

Strawberry

Coconut Cream

Key Lime

Pumpkin

Chocolate Mud Pie

Okay, I have to get back to baking.  Have a great day, everyone!  

Residual Imbalances

Hi everyone!  I'm sorry I've been away for a bit.  I've been preparing for my state board exam and life hasn't been as fun as it usually is.  However, I did manage to have a jam-packed October, filled with events such as New York Comic Con, life changing decisions (like the one to change gears and switch entirely to thinking about art as a career), and learning to cope and live happily.  We'll talk about all of that later.  The one thing I've always wondered about was whether or not your past affects your present and future.  I've been thinking about this lately and sometimes, I feel like I have relapses to be who I was, which is not someone I want to be... or ever bring back from the dead.  That weakness from within affected me in such a way to become stronger.  I suppose I'm confusing you, so let's take a step back and talk about my past... and this is one thing that's very difficult to talk about.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was in love with a guy.  This guy meant everything to her and she thought things were going to end perfectly and they'd live happily ever after.  One day, life got in the way (and so did other people) and kicked her in the face.  From there, that girl fell down and couldn't get back up.  She made the wrong decisions in her life and all the way, her "perfect guy" tore her ego and intellect apart.  This strong happy young lady became weak, sad, and even pathetic.  She isolated herself from her friends and turned away from her family, in hopes to make the wrong person happy.  It took A LOT of people, a fantastic support system, and love from many random people to push her through all the pain and let go of everything and the person hurting her.  She found things to do on her own and learned how to exercise to release endorphins and stress positively.  She had to learn and think positively and let everything go so she could start all over again.  It took a very long time, but she finally is the woman you see today.

For the most part, I am happy and enjoying my life.  I still work out twice a day and I'm a personal trainer.  I work hard at everything I do and I have made great friends.  I have a boyfriend who constantly looks out for me and cares for me.  My only issue is the fact that every once in a while, I'll have dreams that haunt me about my past and I'm always afraid the same things will happen all over again.  I'm terrified of being dropped off and being left behind and alone to find my own way home, I hate when people press the "ignore" button when I call (especially if I need to talk to that person about something important), and I can't stand being called a liar.  If it's one thing I've learned not to do, it's to lie to someone you care about.  Once you do that, there's no trust left in your relationship and that means there isn't anything else to hold onto.  I guess you could say I have some sort of "post traumatic stress disorder," except it wasn't from a war.  Instead, it was from a hurtful relationship that took a toll on me emotionally.

I've come a long way from those days.  I used to sit in my room, brood, and pity myself.  I'd call my friends and complain about how depressed I was about my life and how much it sucked.  I used to think there was no one in the world who could understand the way I felt.  I always wondered what life would be like for everyone without me in the picture and at one point, I really just wanted to get away from it all.  I'm so glad I didn't.  I'm glad I kept fighting and struggling to keep my sanity, even after all the pain kept creeping back into my mind.  I took all I could take and I finally snapped.  I've become this witty, independent, social being who can be polite and outspoken all at the same time.  I've learned that professionalism goes a long way and that it can help you greatly in the future when it's needed.  I know I've also been a great partner for my significant other and I do my best to stay level headed at times, but there are days when I just lash out and get upset.  I try not to get upset too often, but there are times when I just want to punch things.  I know that being upset doesn't give me a reason to act out or become violent, but that's something I continually have to work on because it's one of my greatest flaws.

I've always been an overly emotional person.  I have learned to hide many things from people so many people don't know what I truly think because I never want them to use it against me.  However, my vulnerability comes back whenever I experience something traumatic that brings my past back to my present.  For example:  if I call someone and they don't pick up and deliberately ignore my phone calls for no reason, it leads me to believe they're angry at me or upset and I NEED to know why.  They may have not picked up the phone because they were busy or they weren't near their phone, but in my mind, things happen because of my own doing and it might have been possible I did something to upset that person.  If my boyfriend does that to me, I won't be able to sleep until I figure out why he is doing that. My mind makes me think I have a problem or he has an issue with me, rather than just letting me relax and calm down.  It's at times like these where I feel like I need to find a place to relax and think... and I guess that's why I'm writing about all of this now.

I've never really opened up my thoughts and feelings on this subject because I always wanted to seal up the bottle that brought those emotions upon me.  However, these feelings are coming back to me every day (partly because my boyfriend and I are having a few issues) and I've started becoming insecure about myself again.  I know I can do better and figure things out, but I somehow have to get through this.  Does anyone else experience this?  I wonder if I'm the only one.  I hope not.  Maybe someone can lend an ear and chat.

Body Juxtaposition

I have been on a gym spree lately.  Ever since I joined UFC Gym, I've been working out non-stop.  My previous gym wasn't doing it for me anymore.  I was working so hard and I wasn't seeing any results.  Plus, the drama at the old gym to get into the classes was getting ridiculous so I'm glad I left.  UFC has such a different atmosphere;  it feels like they're pumping endorphins and adrenaline into the air to make you want to work out.  I've been at the gym for 5 weeks and the top picture has shown my progression thus far.  I'm working out to get my body back down to the size I was prior to my relationship (not that I COMPLETELY blame my relationship for my overeating, but relationships DO make you gain weight).  I'm actually quite embarrassed that I let myself go a bit.  It's funny because I didn't look 157 lbs. in my clothing, but I sure did feel it.  I can't even believe I stopped working out.  As a personal trainer, I shouldn't have even thought about becoming lazy!  I was so stressed over working and studying that I took exercise out of my schedule.  The end result was a lazy slob who could not run or work out.  Luckily for me, I began pushing myself because I began to love the gym more and more each day I came.  Let me break all of this down for you.

Week 0 - Aug. 5, 2013/ 157 lbs.

I look at this picture of myself and I'm so embarrassed about it.  I can't even believe how disgusting and wide I looked.  I thought I looked great before I took these photos and realized how wrong I was.  I was working out at my old gym once every 3 weeks or so and I thought it was enough to keep me going.  Apparently, I was wrong.  I was also training clients and giving them advice while not taking any of my own.  I wasn't watching what I was eating and I just indulged on everything and anything.  Wafels & Dinges is my favorite spot in the city and I think my boyfriend and I had it every other week. My legs weren't toned and I hated running.  This photograph of me was the turning point of my lack of physical activity throughout the month.  This first week was the first week I'd start training again every day and taking every single class that appealed to me.  I knew it would be really hard to get back into it, but I had to try.

Week 1 - Aug. 12, 2013 - 156 lbs.

After the first week of training, I noticed my stamina increasing and my body starting to SLOWLY slim down.  I lost a pound and you could see the size of my body starting to take shape.  My legs are slightly more toned in this photograph and my arm drastically decreased in size.  The fat on my face was shedding, which was nice to see... but I still had a lot more work to do.  I cut down on the sweets, but I did have an ice cream sandwich or two because it was warm those days.  What I hated in this photo was the fact that my "love handles" were wrapping over my shorts, and muffin tops aren't pretty sights to see.  My first week at the gym included cardio classes (20/20/20), some plyometrics, hip hop dance, circuit training and calisthenics, yoga, and a ton of push ups.  My eating habits weren't up to par yet, but I did have less carbohydrates than my normal intake.  My sugar levels were also decreasing a bit because of my deal to myself about not having sugary foods.

Week 2 - Aug. 12, 2013 - 156 lbs.

My stamina has started increasing and I started seeing more muscle definition in my hamstrings and quads.  I still haven't really shaken off the muffin fat, but I've been noticing a difference in front.  The upper part of my abs were starting to shrink from all of the core conditioning.  It didn't really look like it, but I was sort of starting to feel better about myself.  At this point, my boyfriend and I were going to the gym every day and we were incorporating all different types of work outs, until we were offered a deal we couldn't refuse.  It was during this week that I upgraded my membership to the "Ultimate Package," which opened a brand new door for me.  My body was so used to regular circuit training and class conditioning, so doing this was like leaping off a cliff into uncharted waters.  I took my first Muay Thai class with a great instructor that Friday.  I almost died and I loved it.

Week 3 - Aug. 19, 2013 - 155 lbs.

Not much has changed because I didn't really start my MMA conditioning until that week, but diet seemed to be getting better.  My butt was lifting up nicely and I began to see a lot of definition in my legs from squatting and jump roping.  I think UFC really likes to jump rope during their classes because that's what they usually do for a warm up.  Moving on........

Week 4 - Aug. 26, 2013 - 154 lbs.

After one week of the new conditioning routine and trying new classes, I started seeing real results.  Muay Thai and boxing started whipping my arms into shape and the abs we do in those classes are killer.  We really work on obliques and try to flatten them out.  Crunches, burpees, and push ups are always a must so I sweat and get my butt kicked every single time.  My shoulders also have broadened since I started working out and punching.  Learning form and how to kick properly through the hip has been developing my "rectus femoris" muscle and my glutes.  My calves are the size of footballs.  I guess I won't be wearing any knee high boots this winter.

Week 5 - September 2, 2013 - 154 lbs.

I actually didn't work out much this past week because I was sick and having stomach cramps, but since I've changed my diet, my body has started shrinking more.  What I did notice, though, was that I was not actually losing any weight, but gaining more muscle.  My stomach has flattened out but I still have a bit of a "pooch."  My legs, thighs, and glutes are toned and muscular from the running, squatting, and jumping we do in class.  My arms have been sculpted to look more toned.  Disregard the funny icy hot patch on my foot.  I kicked too hard in class and bruised the top of it.  All in all, things are looking pretty good.

Week 6 - Sept. 9, 2013 - Current Weight - 154.5 lbs.

My body has taken shape nicely.  I really love what that gym has to offer.  I'm currently going to the gym twice a week and working out for about 4 hours a day, mixing in various workouts to keep my body guessing about what will come next.  I still have a little way to go before I hit my ideal goal, but in the meantime, I'm happy I don't look like that slobby mess from last month.  I've cut out a lot of sweets from my diet and carbohydrates.  My meals are looking colorful, with leafy greens and whole grains.  I injured my right wrist in class last week, so I'm keeping it light in case I have to do push ups and spar with other members at the gym.  The trainers are always around to help me in case I have any issues or problems, which is great.  They are so knowledgable and I aspire to become like them.  Joining this gym was probably one of the best decisions I've made thus far and I'm going to keep working hard and pushing myself to become a better example for others.

If you want to try any of my workouts, you can find them here.  I'm always looking for new followers and people who are willing to keep up with me.  UFC Gym is probably the best gym I've been to thus far.  They have trainers who are exceptional at what they do and how they train.  I'm just excited to train among some of the coolest people around.